Who are We? Are we Real? Why are we Born? No Theories Please...

Karma - is it not a theory? Can it be proved? 

Rebirth - Is it not a theory? Can it be proved?

God - Existence of God is also in theory. Can it be proved that God exist? 

However I also do not believe that Human evolved from Monkeys so goes the Darwin Theory. It is also a theory. Look at a peacock feather, it can't be created just by Nature... and.. what is Nature? Is it living? So in theory there must be a great designer, a great architect.. someone called God. Who is God? Why are we born? Why has he created this Universe, this Earth and Humans? Is it for his fun? He enjoys watching us suffer as humans? God created humans and Humans created toys. A Toy is alive as long as there is a battery. It dies after the battery life is over and same way we die. Are not we same as a toy?

As a boy, we dreamt of being scientist, doctor, Engg, Businessman.. As a young man we wanted to marry.. to have children.. to have money.. to have social status... and we achieve a lot of it and then either we are tired, we give up or we are satisfied with what we have. We look for peace. Typical Mid-Age crisis. The wheel moves on. We get old, our children start getting independent and soon they are on their own. We still can continue to strive and work or we may give up to retirement. Life goes on, we keep on getting older and older and alone and wait for death to happen. 

What is the point? God, Karma, Rebirth and all... all theories... has anyone ever seen God? We pray and look for peace, salvation. A fish does not know what lies beyond the water and same way it is true for human. Einstein and Stephan Hawking has spoken about the forth dimension... time and space. 

Other interesting point, thousands of years, nothing has changed. You can say, we have mobiles, we can talk and skype and google and all... but in fact nothing has changed. We have hunger, joy, pain, sorrow, happiness, love, jealousy just like thousands of years. The way a child is born, the food we eat, breath, feelings and all nothing has changed. What god created remain same. 

So, where is god? Why is he hidden? Or we are dumb just like a fish or a toy? Are we intelligent? Mysteries and mysteries. Theories and Theories. We live, we enjoy and we die... hoping that we will be born again.. why? why god does it? If if not God then who does it? 

Divorce – A Rising Trend

I spent my early career years in Western world like US, Germany, Switzerland, Greece, UK. It was so common to find single parents, middle aged singles and divorcees, young live-ins, separated parents, remarriages and people with loss of faith in marriage. This is not to say that there were also happily married families for many years with second generation children. This life style was a surprise for someone like me coming from a traditional orthodox Hindu family from India. For us, family was paramount and divorce / separation was unthinkable. 

This is changing fast even in India. We come across young couples getting divorced after few years of marriage. What is also changing is that people are getting separated after many years of marriage. I recently came across few old friends of mine who are getting divorced after over 25+ years of marriage. Even with grown up children, couples are not able to adjust with each other. The pain of separation is insurmountable. So what has changed and why are Indian marriages are falling apart more than ever :

• Ego and Esteem : This is where the problem starts!!! Many instances there are no real issues but it is not being able to adjust with each other. Usne kya kaha and tune kya kaha… Wo ladakoo hai… these are the things how it starts. No fight happens because of a single person. Fight only happens when there are two equals and both thinking that they are justified. Even if one person compromise, the problem will be solved. The problem compounds when parents and friends jump in with their opinions… Oh.. wo to bura insaan hai.. bura kya hai.. ladta rehta hai.. On the other hand, real issues… like a girlfriend, second marriage… do you think these are real issues… Yes, these are real issues but marriages have still worked. Many of our famous people, actors, politicians, industrialist have second wives and live in partners still their marriages have not broken.. why? Because they accept their partner even with mistakes. On the other hand marriages fail because of ego and esteem even if there are no reason.
• Nuclear Vs Joint Family : Everybody like independence... so in good times, it is fun. You are yourself and doing whatever you want to do. In a joint family, the focus is also on the other members and folks. The effect is both inward and outward. One thinks less of self and there is distraction. So internal issues between husband and wife are less.
• Role of Parents : This has changed drastically in last few decades and I consider this as single biggest reason for failed marriages. The current parents (in-laws) themselves are nucleus and in many cases, they do not mind their daughters and sons to split as they believe that their child is correct. They do not put pressure on their child to adjust and stay put. It might be difficult to understand this point. What if a girls parent taunting say to the girl, “Oh dear… your husband is unfair…” or “Oh dear… your husband is rude is stubborn!!!”. This is enough to break the family. This will break girls heart and she will be in no-man’s island. In that moment itself, her trust, love and respect for her husband will go in air. So parents of both sides have to be very careful. Instead of encouraging their children they should discourage them from splitting.
• Arranged Marriage Vs Love Marriage : An arranged marriage is a marriage of two families. It is not the process, the oath, the Yagna but it a cummilation of all and the blessing of both the families. When there is stress in marriage, the pressure, guidance of both the sides make the marriage work. It is an effort from both families to keep the estranged family bound.
• Financial and social independence : I do not think that there are more divorces as women are more independent. All around there are successful marriages of working women who have admiringly taken care of their husband, children, in-laws and their job. It is amazing and the credit goes primarily to the women. WOW!!
• Society : There are two extremes. Few days back my wife jokingly said that triple Talaq is most painful to two sets of people. One Muslim Women and Second Hindu Men. One gets divorced by mere uttering of the “T” word 3 times whereas the Hindu men do not get divorced forever till the wife allows it. It is crazy, I have many friends undergoing the painful process of Divorce. Some are lucky for an easy settlement but many have to undergo real, real police situation and which in many cases is too harsh and misused. But this is a war which has no winners. Both side are the losers. The whole family is destroyed. All joy is replaced by the sorrow.

The trauma of separation is  profound for the immediate family i.e. for husband and wife and the children but it is a reality of today’s society. As we get more modern and independent, pressures from parents, relatives and society is less and separation happens. How can this be lessened. Somethings that we can try :

• Such estranged couple should seek counselling. The counsellors can be professional or with in the family but the counsellors should be fair and with empathy and not biased.
• They should try to live separately for some time. Staying with their parents for about 15 days will give them a break and also time for introspection.
• Think of their children. Children will bear the trauma of their parents fighting and separation. They are lost and confused. Their faith in their parents and god is devastated and this can impact their life all together.
• Trust and Love. In our fight, we forget the love and joy that we had in our years of togetherness. Trust is the key. If there is a breach of trust, reconsider it. Is it a matter of trust or is it a matter of distrust. Why are you distrusting someone.

Breaking of marriages after decades of togetherness is very painful for everyone and not just the couple. However, this is not the end of life. DO NOT END LIFE!!!. Instead give meaning to life. Like I said before, no pain is for ever. Give some time. Life moves on. You will also come out of it. There are hundreds of divorced couples around. This is the way it is!!!. So one can remain in the materialistic world and move on with life. Some even find another life partner. On the other hand, it can lead to Vairagya.. to leave the materialist world and go towards the spiritual world. This is what the sages and our scriptures like Vedas and Gita tells us.

What life did not give you, try to give that to someone who needs it. Do something for others.

Is Life too short or is it a Lifetime?

I was and still is a man in hurry. There was hardly ever anything that stopped me. I kept moving on and on. I remember reading a short story about a famous French sculpturer who created a perfect sculpture of a life size damsel. When it was unveiled to public in a Gallery, the whole crowd went silent in appreciation followed by "oohs" and "aahs". But the sculpturer was still not happy with his creation. He was closely examining his work. He then picked up his chisel and hammer and said that the nose needs some more finishing. His tryst for perfection made him chisel the nose of the damsel.... and.... gosh... to the horror of the crowd and the media... the nose was broken. The sculpturer paid the price of his perfectionism. His work was destroyed.

Do we have to be satisfied with what we have? Is the thirst for excellence wrong to be quenched. If people are successful their stories are told for perfectionism like Steve Jobs. Do we have to sit back and say, we are happy with what we have? Why people like Modi and so many other workaholics work 18 hours a day?

I had my fair share of success. In fact, I can say, that everything that I desired, came my way. It was not easy. Not easy for my family and especially my better half. She has to bear with me all hard times and the decisions that I made. She was also the sole shoulder who gave me solace when I needed the most. I love you Preeti!! Thank you!!

Success did not come to me easily. Just like Harry Potter, I think there is a magic potion of luck. With luck, your little effort yields super results and vice versa, in its absence, you have to try 10 times to get the same results. I kept on trying. From 1990 to 2013, I got every job that I wanted. I was in Germany, Switzerland, US and other countries on work permit but I always wanted to come back to India. I worked in Pune and in Bangalore. I started my business and had my own consultants working in Germany. We developed two products. I got into leadership roles very early in my career but I moved on relentlessly. Nothing could stop me.

When I kept moving in and out of Delhi, my home, every time, I came back, I saw the same chowkidars, presswalas, newspaperwalas, milkman and so many others who for years after years kept on doing what they were doing... and they seem to be happy. Probably they slept better then me. On the other hand, my life is still a mission. I am happy with what I achieved in my career. I am happy with how my business is doing (although it is a never ending strive for me and my team) but I already have my goals for what I will be doing after couple of years. The last part of my life, it has to be creativity, spirituality and philosophy.

We all get the same lifespan. I do watch TV, I do have fun, I do focus on my health and give quality time to my family. How ever, as my mother told me as a child, I hope to be like a lamp and do my bit for reason of my very own existence.  It is not just happiness which matters but it is also the purpose. We can live many lives in one life.

Inward Battles

What are the options for Mulayam ? Fight or surrender or death or anonymity.

A bird builds a nest... a straw at a time... it takes a lot of effort and time for her to build the nest... she lays eggs and feed her children.. she nurtures them into strong birds.. as her dreams turn into truth... there is a storm... a storm which blow away the nest... This is life... or is this life... is life cruel.. does life always provide options?  What can Mulayam do now? Is it about wrong or right or is it about peace?

Fight : Fight with whom? His son... son whom he dreamt to be his successor? A successor or a betrayer? A son, who went against his father... and for what reasons? Why is Akhilesh against his father? For power... has he forgotten all the good things he posses are because of his father. But this is not the point.. the point is... Shall Mulayam Fight.. and for why?

Surrender : Can Mulayam surrender? If he surrenders, he will make peace with his son but he will not make peace with his soul. How will be justify to himself and the whole world his actions? Will not he be proven wrong. His cause will be wronged. So surrender, he will not even though his mind say so. His heart will never give up to his son as he has wronged him.

Death : Actually many people choose this. It is better then a life of shame. Time do heal wounds but scars will always be there. An unnatural death also brings shame but who knows what happens after death. If life is cruel, then why to worry about death.

Anonymity : Life is cruel for some. People with passion and emotion are hurt more and such people get dejected with life but live on. Sanayasa and vanaprastha are some option which are considered to be divine in Hindu scriptures. These are not bad options... really!!! Become a sadhu.

We are born with our Karmas and we carry our Karmas with us. We are gifted by our physical, emotional and spiritual bodies and we are also born with our magic potion of luck. Some are lucky and some are not. Some times the luck run out for the lucky ones. What goes up comes down... Let us see what the fate has in store for the lion of UP. His desire to become the PM for sure will never happen.  

The Three Women - Hope

There were three women. The oldest was around 60 but looked much older. She was a widow, very thin and fragile. She looked much older than her age and was always draped in a saree tucked tightly around her which made her appear even more weak. The second was her elder daughter. She was married but abandoned by her husband, two children and in laws. She worked 8 to 8, 7 days a week and lived with her mother and younger sister. Over years of suffering she had become thinner than her mother and her only hope was that someday she will be united with her family. The youngest was Minni. Minni, lost her father when she was 16. No one supported them and she was forced to start working at the age of 16. At the age when kids go to college and have fun with friends, she started taking care of her mother. All the three women lived in a one room 12x14 flat with two single beds tucked somehow in which the three would sleep.

One day, Minni, met an old man for a job interview. The old man was not so old, say 50. The old man, was touched, was moved and sad when he heard about her plight. He was very sad. He was also worried her future. This is cruel world. How did Minni, a beautiful young girl, working in call centers for last 5-6 year survive exploitation. He also adored her. The old man always wanted a daughter and he saw a daughter in Minni. He wept so many nights worrying about the future and thinking of the past and present of Minni. Gradually, the bond as father and daughter evolved. The feeling was mutual. Minni started calling old man as ”Papa”. It was not easy for Minni as the world would call her mean to adopt a Papa for selfish reasons. However, the bond grew stronger with time and they were “Papa Beti”. She became the daughter of the old man’s family.

But the bond was also strange for the world. Laws do not allow to adopt any child over 12. The relationship between a young girl and an old man was questionable. Family, friends, society all wanted this bond to break. Everyone asked the old man to break the bond. They even said, that the old man could go to jail as the relationship is questionable and that no one will believe this father-daughter theory. What shall the old man do? Leave the three women on their plight (as there are hundreds of millions of other miserable women in the world so what is special about Minni!!!). Shall he also abandon his daughter as she is not his daughter? Shall he just think of keeping his immediate family only happy? Shall he abandon the daughter, his daughter, his daughter of many lives.

The old man is torn, the family is torn and the daughter is torn. Instead of a dream of a happy family it has turn into a nightmare. The dreams are foolish and only fools ride horses. We think we make right decisions. We think we decide on our futures. We think we control our destiny. So, what is the right decision in this case? Is it about right or wrong or is it being selfish? Shall the old man abandon the daughter as she is not his daughter and make his family happy? Is there any other option? Is this really so complex that it can't be resolved?

Hardik Patel : He is fighting for reservations or aginst reservations?

Reservations in any form is incorrect. It promotes mediocrity. Our politicians have played it well by covering more then 50% of the population under 50% reservations limit. Disgusting, last govt, Manmohan Singh and Sonia Gandhi, trying to force reservation into private companies. These power hungry mongers, they will go any limit. Vote bank politics... without retrospecting the benefits this has brought in last 60 years.

Look around yourself. You will not realize but many people around you, from IITs, from very good colleges are from the reserved category. They are every where, in your neighborhood, in offices, doctors, enggs, in important positions in private, govt, in colleges, in media, in parliament EVERYWHERE. These more then 50% of India will never raise voice against reservation as they enjoy these benefits. Hence majority of people in India enjoy reservation benefits. 

What about people like you and me? First of all, why there are no debates on benefits of reservations? Milky layer, scope of reservations, etc. Reservations is a curse. Yadavs and Meena's rule Uttar Pradesh politics and bureaucracy and what is the state of affiars here!!! 

Hardik Patel is right... eventually this will become a bigger debate ....about reservations, the curse of India. I support Hardik. The shame called reservations, needs to be retrospected. Two wrongs does not make a right!

Who Needs Miscrosoft!

Few days back, I got an intimation from MS that they will conduct a SAM (Software Assessment Management) where as they will asses and check the compliance of MS products at out company. I was amused and more funny was that some where it was mentioned, that this exercise shall have no direct cost implication on us. This is crap. The while idea is to find out pirated licenses and ask for buying these licenses!!!

Bill Gates was a technical Genius combined with a strong business acumen. But I would not hold the same respect for recent MS decisions. I started working on MS in 1990, when they created PC-DOS for IBM PCs. PC-DOS was built by MS for IBM for the first real desktop computer. MS had the copyright and they started to sell PC-DOS as MS-DOS to every possible vendor. The rest is history. MS-DOS was everywhere as small businesses could afford cheap desktops with a small operating system. Computers moved from large offices to small business and homes.

The story of MS goes on of business acumen rather then innovation. MS-DOS and later MS-Windows thrived as it was easily pirated, cheap licenses and simplicity (compared to Unix) and soon it found its way in every house and small business. MS then built windows hinging on X-Windows, Excel was copied from Lotus-123, Word from Wordstar and so on. Though windows kept crashing, it's price and piracy and simplicity... let many third party application being developed to make it really rule the world. I was personally devastated when giants like Digital VAX VMS was devoured by a PC maker called Compaq. This is not goliath vs david story! This was a real pittance. Digital was a legend on which Unix was invented and which now people have forgotten. What followed was worse. I remember working on Silicon Graphics Terminal (SGI), Sun, HP, IBM servers. Some of them survived but some of them collapsed. Legends like SGI, Siemens and Sun collapsed.

MS came with its own servers to compete with Unix servers and actually people started to use them for high end applications. MS has in late 1990's become so big that they wanted to control everything. Explorer was made part of the OS. EU and US at that time considered braking MS into smaller companies. That was the heights of MS. Around this time, Bill decides to leave the top decision making in MS and pursue his philanthropic interests. Things start to change.

Java came around this time which offered interoprablity and platform independence. More and more application became web based thus needing to do away with a client side of platform. Only a browser was needed which was HTML standards complaint. Around this time a revolution started to happen in open source technologies. More and more companies started to offer hosted, cloud based and pay per use products. Ubuntu and more Linux clones came into existence which were GUI based and offered full range of applications which were mostly open source and free.

What is going to happen to MS? Who needs MS? Only if you use legacy windows based application like India's popular Tally software, you would need MS. Else shifting to Ubuntu is fun. It has much more variety, themes and customization then Windows would ever have. Google, Facebook and others generate their revenues from pay per use whereas MS still drives it revenues from perpetual licenses. Windows 10 is their last release... Office... there are enough options on Linux... their servers... like IIS, LDAP.... why would people pay for these unstable proprietary technologies... Who uses IIS when WAMP or LAMP is open-source and wonderful... Once we had a great product in VB, VC about 20 years back and I loved VS. Now they brought in .NET to rival Java/SOAP. .NET is cumbersome and again very platform dependent. So eventually, Visual Studio lost its charm. MS bought Nokia, killed Symbain with their OS. This is not a bad move although MS itself has written off this investment. I think, one product which is still popular from MS is skype. Things like Bing will not survive as Google moves at a very fast pace.

The stock of Google doubled this year whereas MS stocks fell by 50%. These markets are smart and can sense the wind much more then we technical folks.

MS is now hiring external companies like Deloitte for audit of small (actually very small companies with 2-3 users). I think it will be double whammy for MS. First they will pay throguth their nose to companies like Deliote, secondly they will only loose users who in first place made Windows popular. More and more apps will be Web based and than who will need MS?

About Myself : Ajay Garg, spend over 25 years working for companies like Siemens, Erricsson, BMC, Syntel, Globallogic, AVL leading very large enterprise delivery teams in US, Germany, Switzerland, Greece and across all continents.