Who are We? Are we Real? Why are we Born? No Theories Please...

Karma - is it not a theory? Can it be proved? 

Rebirth - Is it not a theory? Can it be proved?

God - Existence of God is also in theory. Can it be proved that God exist? 

However I also do not believe that Human evolved from Monkeys so goes the Darwin Theory. It is also a theory. Look at a peacock feather, it can't be created just by Nature... and.. what is Nature? Is it living? So in theory there must be a great designer, a great architect.. someone called God. Who is God? Why are we born? Why has he created this Universe, this Earth and Humans? Is it for his fun? He enjoys watching us suffer as humans? God created humans and Humans created toys. A Toy is alive as long as there is a battery. It dies after the battery life is over and same way we die. Are not we same as a toy?

As a boy, we dreamt of being scientist, doctor, Engg, Businessman.. As a young man we wanted to marry.. to have children.. to have money.. to have social status... and we achieve a lot of it and then either we are tired, we give up or we are satisfied with what we have. We look for peace. Typical Mid-Age crisis. The wheel moves on. We get old, our children start getting independent and soon they are on their own. We still can continue to strive and work or we may give up to retirement. Life goes on, we keep on getting older and older and alone and wait for death to happen. 

What is the point? God, Karma, Rebirth and all... all theories... has anyone ever seen God? We pray and look for peace, salvation. A fish does not know what lies beyond the water and same way it is true for human. Einstein and Stephan Hawking has spoken about the forth dimension... time and space. 

Other interesting point, thousands of years, nothing has changed. You can say, we have mobiles, we can talk and skype and google and all... but in fact nothing has changed. We have hunger, joy, pain, sorrow, happiness, love, jealousy just like thousands of years. The way a child is born, the food we eat, breath, feelings and all nothing has changed. What god created remain same. 

So, where is god? Why is he hidden? Or we are dumb just like a fish or a toy? Are we intelligent? Mysteries and mysteries. Theories and Theories. We live, we enjoy and we die... hoping that we will be born again.. why? why god does it? If if not God then who does it? 

Divorce – A Rising Trend

I spent my early career years in Western world like US, Germany, Switzerland, Greece, UK. It was so common to find single parents, middle aged singles and divorcees, young live-ins, separated parents, remarriages and people with loss of faith in marriage. This is not to say that there were also happily married families for many years with second generation children. This life style was a surprise for someone like me coming from a traditional orthodox Hindu family from India. For us, family was paramount and divorce / separation was unthinkable. 

This is changing fast even in India. We come across young couples getting divorced after few years of marriage. What is also changing is that people are getting separated after many years of marriage. I recently came across few old friends of mine who are getting divorced after over 25+ years of marriage. Even with grown up children, couples are not able to adjust with each other. The pain of separation is insurmountable. So what has changed and why are Indian marriages are falling apart more than ever :

• Ego and Esteem : This is where the problem starts!!! Many instances there are no real issues but it is not being able to adjust with each other. Usne kya kaha and tune kya kaha… Wo ladakoo hai… these are the things how it starts. No fight happens because of a single person. Fight only happens when there are two equals and both thinking that they are justified. Even if one person compromise, the problem will be solved. The problem compounds when parents and friends jump in with their opinions… Oh.. wo to bura insaan hai.. bura kya hai.. ladta rehta hai.. On the other hand, real issues… like a girlfriend, second marriage… do you think these are real issues… Yes, these are real issues but marriages have still worked. Many of our famous people, actors, politicians, industrialist have second wives and live in partners still their marriages have not broken.. why? Because they accept their partner even with mistakes. On the other hand marriages fail because of ego and esteem even if there are no reason.
• Nuclear Vs Joint Family : Everybody like independence... so in good times, it is fun. You are yourself and doing whatever you want to do. In a joint family, the focus is also on the other members and folks. The effect is both inward and outward. One thinks less of self and there is distraction. So internal issues between husband and wife are less.
• Role of Parents : This has changed drastically in last few decades and I consider this as single biggest reason for failed marriages. The current parents (in-laws) themselves are nucleus and in many cases, they do not mind their daughters and sons to split as they believe that their child is correct. They do not put pressure on their child to adjust and stay put. It might be difficult to understand this point. What if a girls parent taunting say to the girl, “Oh dear… your husband is unfair…” or “Oh dear… your husband is rude is stubborn!!!”. This is enough to break the family. This will break girls heart and she will be in no-man’s island. In that moment itself, her trust, love and respect for her husband will go in air. So parents of both sides have to be very careful. Instead of encouraging their children they should discourage them from splitting.
• Arranged Marriage Vs Love Marriage : An arranged marriage is a marriage of two families. It is not the process, the oath, the Yagna but it a cummilation of all and the blessing of both the families. When there is stress in marriage, the pressure, guidance of both the sides make the marriage work. It is an effort from both families to keep the estranged family bound.
• Financial and social independence : I do not think that there are more divorces as women are more independent. All around there are successful marriages of working women who have admiringly taken care of their husband, children, in-laws and their job. It is amazing and the credit goes primarily to the women. WOW!!
• Society : There are two extremes. Few days back my wife jokingly said that triple Talaq is most painful to two sets of people. One Muslim Women and Second Hindu Men. One gets divorced by mere uttering of the “T” word 3 times whereas the Hindu men do not get divorced forever till the wife allows it. It is crazy, I have many friends undergoing the painful process of Divorce. Some are lucky for an easy settlement but many have to undergo real, real police situation and which in many cases is too harsh and misused. But this is a war which has no winners. Both side are the losers. The whole family is destroyed. All joy is replaced by the sorrow.

The trauma of separation is  profound for the immediate family i.e. for husband and wife and the children but it is a reality of today’s society. As we get more modern and independent, pressures from parents, relatives and society is less and separation happens. How can this be lessened. Somethings that we can try :

• Such estranged couple should seek counselling. The counsellors can be professional or with in the family but the counsellors should be fair and with empathy and not biased.
• They should try to live separately for some time. Staying with their parents for about 15 days will give them a break and also time for introspection.
• Think of their children. Children will bear the trauma of their parents fighting and separation. They are lost and confused. Their faith in their parents and god is devastated and this can impact their life all together.
• Trust and Love. In our fight, we forget the love and joy that we had in our years of togetherness. Trust is the key. If there is a breach of trust, reconsider it. Is it a matter of trust or is it a matter of distrust. Why are you distrusting someone.

Breaking of marriages after decades of togetherness is very painful for everyone and not just the couple. However, this is not the end of life. DO NOT END LIFE!!!. Instead give meaning to life. Like I said before, no pain is for ever. Give some time. Life moves on. You will also come out of it. There are hundreds of divorced couples around. This is the way it is!!!. So one can remain in the materialistic world and move on with life. Some even find another life partner. On the other hand, it can lead to Vairagya.. to leave the materialist world and go towards the spiritual world. This is what the sages and our scriptures like Vedas and Gita tells us.

What life did not give you, try to give that to someone who needs it. Do something for others.

Is Life too short or is it a Lifetime?

I was and still is a man in hurry. There was hardly ever anything that stopped me. I kept moving on and on. I remember reading a short story about a famous French sculpturer who created a perfect sculpture of a life size damsel. When it was unveiled to public in a Gallery, the whole crowd went silent in appreciation followed by "oohs" and "aahs". But the sculpturer was still not happy with his creation. He was closely examining his work. He then picked up his chisel and hammer and said that the nose needs some more finishing. His tryst for perfection made him chisel the nose of the damsel.... and.... gosh... to the horror of the crowd and the media... the nose was broken. The sculpturer paid the price of his perfectionism. His work was destroyed.

Do we have to be satisfied with what we have? Is the thirst for excellence wrong to be quenched. If people are successful their stories are told for perfectionism like Steve Jobs. Do we have to sit back and say, we are happy with what we have? Why people like Modi and so many other workaholics work 18 hours a day?

I had my fair share of success. In fact, I can say, that everything that I desired, came my way. It was not easy. Not easy for my family and especially my better half. She has to bear with me all hard times and the decisions that I made. She was also the sole shoulder who gave me solace when I needed the most. I love you Preeti!! Thank you!!

Success did not come to me easily. Just like Harry Potter, I think there is a magic potion of luck. With luck, your little effort yields super results and vice versa, in its absence, you have to try 10 times to get the same results. I kept on trying. From 1990 to 2013, I got every job that I wanted. I was in Germany, Switzerland, US and other countries on work permit but I always wanted to come back to India. I worked in Pune and in Bangalore. I started my business and had my own consultants working in Germany. We developed two products. I got into leadership roles very early in my career but I moved on relentlessly. Nothing could stop me.

When I kept moving in and out of Delhi, my home, every time, I came back, I saw the same chowkidars, presswalas, newspaperwalas, milkman and so many others who for years after years kept on doing what they were doing... and they seem to be happy. Probably they slept better then me. On the other hand, my life is still a mission. I am happy with what I achieved in my career. I am happy with how my business is doing (although it is a never ending strive for me and my team) but I already have my goals for what I will be doing after couple of years. The last part of my life, it has to be creativity, spirituality and philosophy.

We all get the same lifespan. I do watch TV, I do have fun, I do focus on my health and give quality time to my family. How ever, as my mother told me as a child, I hope to be like a lamp and do my bit for reason of my very own existence.  It is not just happiness which matters but it is also the purpose. We can live many lives in one life.

Inward Battles

What are the options for Mulayam ? Fight or surrender or death or anonymity.

A bird builds a nest... a straw at a time... it takes a lot of effort and time for her to build the nest... she lays eggs and feed her children.. she nurtures them into strong birds.. as her dreams turn into truth... there is a storm... a storm which blow away the nest... This is life... or is this life... is life cruel.. does life always provide options?  What can Mulayam do now? Is it about wrong or right or is it about peace?

Fight : Fight with whom? His son... son whom he dreamt to be his successor? A successor or a betrayer? A son, who went against his father... and for what reasons? Why is Akhilesh against his father? For power... has he forgotten all the good things he posses are because of his father. But this is not the point.. the point is... Shall Mulayam Fight.. and for why?

Surrender : Can Mulayam surrender? If he surrenders, he will make peace with his son but he will not make peace with his soul. How will be justify to himself and the whole world his actions? Will not he be proven wrong. His cause will be wronged. So surrender, he will not even though his mind say so. His heart will never give up to his son as he has wronged him.

Death : Actually many people choose this. It is better then a life of shame. Time do heal wounds but scars will always be there. An unnatural death also brings shame but who knows what happens after death. If life is cruel, then why to worry about death.

Anonymity : Life is cruel for some. People with passion and emotion are hurt more and such people get dejected with life but live on. Sanayasa and vanaprastha are some option which are considered to be divine in Hindu scriptures. These are not bad options... really!!! Become a sadhu.

We are born with our Karmas and we carry our Karmas with us. We are gifted by our physical, emotional and spiritual bodies and we are also born with our magic potion of luck. Some are lucky and some are not. Some times the luck run out for the lucky ones. What goes up comes down... Let us see what the fate has in store for the lion of UP. His desire to become the PM for sure will never happen.